Singleness tends to have a stigma, but I’m not afraid to talk of love, as to me love is a friend.. and the friends that I’ve loved have often acknowledged that what we shared was unique and in another life, may have lasted forever.
..and even though I’ve learned to never say never, the common denominator in the stories I treasure most seems to be natural progression. It usually goes:
- a chance meeting
- lighthearted banter
- a deep and meaningful conversation
- repeat steps 2-3 for several months
- fondness that grows into affection
Of course there’s always the exception, the unlikely candidate (or so I determined the first time I met him). He was loud, talked too much, and thought he knew everything.. but proximity and a little curiosity grew into friendship and friendship into sneaking out of hotels in the middle of the night across Europe to go dancing, sing karaoke and listen to the Riverdance sound track that reminded us both of our mothers.
When I called him today and told him that I’ve released that back then I had actually loved him, he stopped me mid-sentence and said he’d felt the same. It had happened for us on it’s own and after seeing how good it could be, we both now struggled with “going on dates” which feels less than natural.
The concept of meeting someone you’re physically attracted to and then creating time to spend together in good clothes on your best behaviour in a controlled setting might work for some.. but give me a project to work on with someone, or send us on a trip. Let me see them first thing in the morning or when they’re sleepy. This is real life, honesty, vulnerability.
I had asked God not to bring me anyone until it was “the one”, but having had several beautiful experiences since then full of adventure, romance and healthy boundaries, has taught me a lot and opened my eyes to the healing that has occurred within me – that perhaps could not have come any other way. The idea of losing love used to scare me, but the years and constant miracles keep me grounded and always aware that for everything there is a season.
Deconstructing the box I’d put God into wasn’t easy, but it has been liberating. How could I ever have expected Him to stay within the perimeters I’d created? Walls kept me feeling safe, but just ask the healed version of me now and I’ll tell you I’d take progress over safety any day.
The best days of my life are ahead of me and the days of feeling as though I need to put my best foot forward in order to attract and impress a potential partner far behind. So no, I’m not afraid to talk of love, as the one I love not only becomes my friend, but starts as one.